Your Absence

I didn't love you because I was lonely.
I was content in my own company and solitude.
My life wasn't always very peaceful,
But then you came, like a blazing comet in the night sky.

I didn't love you out of despair.
I had made peace with the absurdity of existence.
My solitude was not a prison, but a landscape, 
Silent, vast, and indifferent, 
A desert I had learned to walk without fear.

I loved you not to escape my loneliness,
but your presence made the silence echo differently.
In your presence, the absurd was no longer cold,
And life, though still clueless, seemed fiercely beautiful.

I tried to resist you, to flee from the terrible beauty of your presence.
For what is love but fear?
I feared that your light would burn me completely,
Leave me bare, vulnerable, deprived of solitude.
But despite my terror, I found myself drawn to you.

And in this endless universe of mountains and sea,
I am like the moon at night, completely alone,
Hoping that you'd call me by my name.
I wanted you to feel my heart too; it's broken.

Nothing hurts me in your absence —
the fragrance of your absence.
In this, I find the absurdity of hope,
The paradox that even in your absence,
I still find you, not as you were,
But as a reflection of the emptiness left behind.

But forgive me in the first place.
Forgive me for meeting you.
Forgive me for loving you.
Forgive me for taking a glance at your eyes.


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